i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
