Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
