are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize