no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
what day is it and did you see me today?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
