dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
