I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
