Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
