peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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