I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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