and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
