my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize