"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
