i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hippo gnu deer
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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