DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I understand Curling. That high.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
