Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
