STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
