Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
