I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
