i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drake has all the answers
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
