Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I smell like Dick and happiness
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
