She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
