The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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