dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
