Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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