I can text with my tongue
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
