i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
