we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
