Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize