wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
