I accidentally had phone sex last night
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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