she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We're too hungover to prance.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
