Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Boobs speak an international language.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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