Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
