I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
