I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize