hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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