I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize