i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
