i already hear my dad disowning me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Also, beer. Big fan.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
