I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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