I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
