I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
