new low.... made out with someone while peeing
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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