I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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