Swine flu. Run for my life!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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