Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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