I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
