love makes seman taste better
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
