Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So much rum. So many feels.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize