I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize