I think my vagina is haunted
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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