i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
