It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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