3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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