Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
