I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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