Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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