I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
