Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
another moral hangover. fuck.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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