you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
