Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
