Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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