I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
