what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize