That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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