He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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