That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
