Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
