yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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