I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
