Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
