Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
